Before and After

The Mirror Effect

FAIL!!!

Computer Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in…
P…..
E…..
N…..
I…..
S…..
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH

GOODNIGHT KISS

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her “Darling, would you give me a blow job?”

Horrified, she replies “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

Him: “Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?”

Her: “No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

Him: “Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”

Her: “No way. It’s just too risky!”

Him (horny as hell): “Oh please, please, I love you so much!”

Her: “No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!”

Him: “Oh yes you can. Please?”

Her: “No, no. I just can’t”

Him: “I beg you… ”

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

“Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..”

Catholic Girls

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St Peter.

St Peter asks first girl, “Rebecca, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of One with the tip of my finger.”
St Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water And pass through the gate.”

St Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Meg have you ever Had any contact with a penis?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”

St Peter says “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls,

One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says “Amy! What seems to be the rush?”

The girl replies “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jenny sticks her ass in it”